At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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