You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
