Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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