Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
