I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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