the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
