Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
