Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
