Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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