Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
