Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
