I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You smell like stripper and shame
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
