is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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