I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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