Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
