Ambien. No doubt about it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
