You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
