Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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