You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
