i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize