I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
