just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
