Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
