I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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