What did we do last night that was yellow?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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