a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
