Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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