and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
