I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
