shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
