He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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