Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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