Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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