She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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