I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
