i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
