If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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