Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
