you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
