you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
