I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
