The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
