Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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