At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
