Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i now understand why vodka
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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