dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
