i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
