I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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