it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
whose parrot is this?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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