it was like his penis was on wheels.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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