Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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