So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
