I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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