Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
