new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
