Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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