Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
