Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
