i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
