I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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