If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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