The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
