hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
