He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize