We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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