My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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